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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28212537">let's try again</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/downpoure/pseuds/downpoure'>downpoure</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, F/M, Gaslighting, Love Triangle, Pining, Toxic Relationships, ah shit here we go again, break ups, one-sided, they're all toxic here so</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-11 01:00:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,005</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28212537</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/downpoure/pseuds/downpoure</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>If you were to try again, would he be any different?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Miya Atsumu/Reader, Miya Osamu/Reader</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>29</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>let's try again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Let’s break up.” </p><p>You drew a deep breath before eventually nodding. “Okay, then.” Pursing your lips into a line, you calmly say, “Let’s break up, Atsumu.”</p><p>And only then does your ex-boyfriend finally dare to look you straight in the eye for the first time in the past fifteen minutes. You watch him course his fingers through his hair out of disbelief? Or was it anger? You couldn’t quite tell under the dim lighting of the fluorescent lamp post where you two stood meters apart from one another.</p><p>Though you really couldn’t be bothered to know anyway. You <em> never once </em> could tell what was going on in his head. </p><p>His jaw visibly clenches when your words seem to finally register. “That’s it?” You must’ve been really delusional because, at that moment, you were certain you heard the pain in his voice when mutters, “You’re not even gonna ask me why?” </p><p>“Do I have to?”</p><p>But then he laughed. </p><p>Atsumu fucking laughed.</p><p>You thought it was just your imagination but it couldn’t have been. You knew that laugh too well. The loud kind, the hushed kind, the genuine kind, and even the fake kind, but it didn’t matter because it was all the same. It was Atsumu’s laugh.</p><p>But this was unlike the ones you’ve heard before. He was fervent and not in the pretty way. </p><p>Pacing back and forth, he eventually gathered himself to face you once again. </p><p>“Do you even love me, [Name]?”</p><p>You blinked. <em> Yes </em>. You wanted to say. Because you do right? You do love him. Right? You’ve said it to him countless times before...</p><p>“You don’t...” You only realize how close Atsumu has gotten to you when you hear him hack out a strained laugh followed by a string of curses muttered under his breath. </p><p>There was an urge to touch him — to cup his face and tell him otherwise. But there was also a need. A need for you to do the inevitable and finish this whole charade.</p><p>Standing your ground, you let out a shaky breath swallowing the lump in your throat, “What do you want Atsumu? You wanted to break up and I obliged. What else do you want from me—“</p><p>Grabbing the sides of your shoulders, he catches you off guard when he desperately professes to your face, “I want you to fight for me, [Name]!”</p><p>Eyes wide, your mouth gapes when you finally get a clear glimpse of his face. You’ve been so preoccupied with fighting your own tears that you’ve failed to notice the ones already for streaming down Atsumu’s face.</p><p>“Since when?” You averted your gaze away from his piercing ones.</p><p>You cross your arms. “Please, let’s not pretend as if you wanted this relationship to last in the first place.”</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?”</p><p>You sighed. “You’re really gonna act you don’t know?”</p><p>“I don’t” He took a step forward. “Tell me.” Then another.</p><p>“Say it.” He was <em> so </em>close. </p><p>“Just fucking say it [Name]!”</p><p>When you felt his breath fanned against your face, that’s when you finally break. “I know about what happened at the training camp...” <em> and how you cheated on me, how you pretended as if nothing happened, how much of a fucking liar you are </em>, you wanted to continue. But based on the look of horror plastered across his face, there was no need.</p><p>
  <em> Did he really take you for a fool?  </em>
</p><p>If you hadn’t known, would he have just continued to lie to you and fuck other girls behind your back?</p><p>You wanted to be angry. But fuck, you were so disappointed. Disappointed in him. But more so in yourself — for being such a fool for ignoring what people have been telling you and trusting him that he was better than this.</p><p>A moment passes before Atsumu breaks the silence. “How long?” You averted your gaze. “How long have you known?” </p><p>“Pretty much since it happened.” </p><p>Three months. You kept it to yourself for three whole months. Why you did so and how you managed to do so, you’re not sure. We’re you really that stupid? Or were you simply a masochist and a coward when it came to Miya Atsumu?</p><p>“How—“</p><p>“Does it matter how?” You couldn't help but grimace. It was intuition at first. Then intuition became suspicion. But with evidence, suspicion became the truth. </p><p>“So that’s it?” A wry scoff. “You were just waiting for me to fuck up?” </p><p>You wanted to laugh. You waited alright. You waited for him to come clean and own up for his fuck ups. You waited for him to change and do better. You waited because you wanted to give him another chance. You waited because you wanted to give this relationship another chance. </p><p>But you’ve waited long enough. </p><p>With his eyes red and brimming with hot tears, Atsumu was so visibly upset that it upsets you to even look at him. How dare he act as if he’s not the one at fault here? If anything, you’re the one who’s supposed to be on the ground bawling your eyes out. </p><p>This relationship has simply gone long enough.</p><p>“Atsumu, get up.” You say as calmly as you could after approaching his hunched figure on the grass. You whisper. “Please.” But you got nothing except his ragged breathing accompanied by the heaving of his shoulders as he buried his silent sobs in between his arms.</p><p>Making sure to leave enough space, you hesitantly sat next to him. You could’ve left. <em> You should’ve left. </em> But leaving Atsumu in such a vulnerable state did not sit right with you. Your feelings for him might’ve changed but that doesn’t mean you were heartless. </p><p>When he texted you earlier to meet up at the park near your house to talk, you already had an inkling of what might go down tonight.</p><p>Atsumu crying was not a part of that.</p><p>You’ve never seen him cry — not like this. And as much as it pains you to see him like this, it pains you even more that this is what you have been desperately looking forward to for months on end. </p><p>
  <em> Maybe you were heartless. </em>
</p><p>“I’m sorry.” He croaked out.</p><p>Arms hugging your legs, you kept your eyes trained on the riverside. “I know.” </p><p>The mirage of the city lights never did fail to mesmerize you every time you go here. But it held too many memories that it’s suddenly hard to appreciate its beauty without associating it with him. His confession. Your confession. Your first kiss together. It‘s a waste that something so special to the both of you had to be tainted like this.</p><p>“It meant nothing, [Name].” </p><p>You sighed. Atsumu has a reputation and a past — both of which certainly preceded him. Does it make you a horrible girlfriend to admit that you’ve expected nothing less from him? That you didn’t even blink when you found out? That you felt more relieved than scared because the thing you feared the most finally happened and you could finally fall asleep at night instead of living every single day in fear of it happening?</p><p>“I never meant to cheat on you.” This time, you shook your head in self-deprecation. </p><p>To think that you believed that hearing him admit to it would make you feel better. That somehow, it’d set you free. </p><p>But just how fucking wrong you were.</p><p>“Her name’s Tachibana Mina right?” </p><p>His brows knitted in confusion. “I told you, it meant nothing. I don’t care about—“</p><p>“But I care, Atsumu.” You exhale, hugging your legs tighter in a futile attempt to form any semblance of warmth. “At least, I used to.” </p><p>But you didn’t <em> just </em>care. You learned everything there was to know about Tachibana Mina. What she looked like, what school she went to, who her friends were, what she did on Friday nights... It was bizarre how much you can learn about a person within just a single night. </p><p>The lengths you were willing to go for him was pathetic. </p><p><em> You </em> were pathetic. </p><p>You wanted to convince yourself so badly that it wasn’t just a case of right place and right timing. That there was something substantial between the two of them and it wasn’t just because Atsumu was so desperate to hurt you that he’d cheat on you with the first girl that shows interest in him. You needed for there to be a reason because why else would he do this to you? To the both of you? You two were so good together and he just threw it all away...</p><p>Disappointment was one thing, but betrayal... you don’t know if you can get over something as painful as that.</p><p>“Don’t leave me.”</p><p>You almost laughed. <em> Almost </em>. “Atsumu, you’re the one who asked to break up.”</p><p>“So why does it feel like you want this more than me?”</p><p>You turn to face him and thank god for the little self-control that you had left because, from the way he was looking at you right now, it took everything not to tell him to forget everything that just happened in the past ten minutes.</p><p>Turning away, you question him, “Your mind seemed made up when you wanted to break up with me ten minutes ago. What changed?” <em> Why is he making this so hard for you? For both of you?  </em></p><p>“That was— that was a mistake.”</p><p>You scoff. He was such a shitty liar. </p><p>“I love you.” You snickered. </p><p>But you weren't <em> that </em>gullible.</p><p>“I love you, [Name].” He reiterates.</p><p>From your peripheral, you feel his eyes full of anticipation, boring a hole through your skull as he patiently waits for you to say something. <em> Anything </em>.</p><p>“But fuck, you can’t blame this all on me.” </p><p>Your gaze automatically darted to his face but he wasn’t looking at you anymore. With a solemn smile plastered on his lips, he confesses like he committed a filthy crime, “I know that you don’t trust me.”</p><p>His words felt like a bucket full of ice pouring over you. </p><p>“Going through my phone, asking where I was and who I was with all the damn time...” Your chin began to quiver. “You were <em> so </em> fucking suffocating. And I know that wasn’t your intention but it was just <em> too </em> much. Too fucking much.” He turns to you the corners of his eyes brimming once more with tears, “You got too much and I—“</p><p>But before he could say anything more and take away the sliver of dignity you had left, you rose to your full height and dusted the grass of your pants. </p><p>Looking up to the pitch-black sky, you deflect like the coward that you are. “It’s getting late.” You sniffle before turning to him and with as much composure as you could gather, you say, “We should head home, we still have school tomorrow.”</p><p>The look of disappointment in his face was as clear as the full moon that every step you took away from him felt like a stab in the gut. But all you could think about was how you couldn’t hear more of what he had to say. You just can’t. Not tonight. </p><p>Yet not even three steps in, Atsumu grabs a hold of your elbow and spins you around to face him.</p><p>His voice was practically begging when he called out your name. Fuck. You tried to pull your arm away but his grip only got tighter the more you tugged. “Let go, Atsumu.” </p><p>“I love you.” </p><p>You couldn’t help but glare at him and only when you look him in the eye does his grip finally relax. His voice cracks when he pleads, “You can’t always run from me [Name]. We have to talk.”</p><p>You exhaled. Forcefully shrugging his grip off your arm, you turned away from him and dared not to look back. You swallow the lump that has inadvertently materialized on your throat, “I’ll see you at school Atsumu.”</p><p>But this time, Atsumu didn’t stop you. </p><p>And only then do you finally let your tears fall.</p>
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